Him. So far this process has been a roller coaster. One day we're getting along and the next we are arguing. The most complicated part of this process is having to constantly see the person who hurt me most in this entire world. Normally healing is easier because you break up and that's it, but having his child, I have to see him at least 3 days a week. Thus slowing my process even more.
Most days I can just give her to him, make some small talk, and watch Buggy leave. Other days I'm just sad because of the situation we are in. The beginning was the hardest. It took everything I had not to cry out or not to burst into tears. I have to admit it has gotten easier. I know that she is in good hands and that he is the best daddy in the world for her. It's just so hard for me to accept the new reality of my baby girls broken home.
The last thing I thought we would ever do is break her home. Yet here we are, a year and a half later, and not living together. We are both at fault, but how could we not try to fix it? I am learning to move on, putting one foot in front of the other, but sometimes it still gets me down. It's so hard to give up on the dream of our family and our life.
I can honestly say whatever dreams I had are now gone. My entire reality is a blur most of the time. Thinking past this moment is almost impossible. All it brings are tears and sorrow. One day I'll have my closure and I'll get my happy ending. As for now, I keep on going...
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