Healing

It seems like such a simple word, something that should happen quickly. Like when you're little and you have a cut on your finger, one day it's there but the next thing you know it's gone. Why can't the heart heal this way as well?

Most days I am able to stay strong. I know I can do this on my own. I want to show my little girl that she doesn't need to depend on someone to survive. I need to show her that her mommy is strong and so is she. I've always been a survivor, I was born that way. So why is this such a hard thing for me to do?

It's hard for me to look into her eyes and not cry. She deserves to have a family, HER family. But because of certain events, she now comes from a broken home. How could I have done this to her? How could he? There are so many things I can think of that I could have done differently. BUT it wasn't just me, it takes two to make it and two to break it.

That's where the fighter in me comes out. This isn't just MY fault. Why should I be the only one trying? It's time to let go, it's time to move on. Yes it won't happen over night, yes it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, BUT I CAN and WILL do it. No one knows what the future holds, maybe we'll get back together or maybe I'll find someone who is sweet and nice. Someone who wants all of the things that I want.

Right now all I know is that some days SUCK (can I say suck?) and some days are better. Buggy and I are perfectly fine. I should be starting a new job soon and saving for our own place. I have also made great new friends through this process some only via social media (DadStreet and NewBornFree) and some from school (you know who you are) and another by happenstance (you also know who you are).

I keep going, day by day. I'm so close to accomplishing my goals, only less than a year away from my associates degree and starting the career of my dreams. I'm doing the best I can with my daughter and providing for her. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me. Though no one may be reading this, thank you anyway.