Time

Time seems to be passing so quickly. There is so much to do; taking care of Buggy, work, school, homework., housework, etc. Yet when I think of it, its only been a little while. Just a short time ago things were different. I thought I was happy, my child was thriving, and I was going to be married. Now, my baby cries every time her daddy comes to get her, and I cry for her. It seems like torture to me. How could I let him take her? How could HE take her? She cries so hard, I just wish I could scoop her back up and make the tears stop. My heart breaks every time I have to tell her it will be okay and that I love her and will see her soon. What kind of mother does that? Ugh, I'm so heartbroken.

Part of me knows that she has to see her daddy, but the mother in me tells me this isn't right. She never cries when he brings her back or when he leaves. Why would she cry only for me? What happens when I'm not around? I know she is well taken care of, but then again who really knows anything? I wish she understood that I don't want her to go and that I'm only doing it because her daddy loves her and wants to spend time with her too. I wish I could change the fact that she cries for me, and for my family. I wish I could help her. I wish I could get him to listen.

This process is so confusing for me. I can only hope that Buggy is alright. She's fine when she's with me. She is her normal happy, playful, carefree self. But for some reason I worry that isn't the case when she's gone from me. There have been things said that make me think otherwise. I don't want to keep her from her daddy, I just want her to stop balling when she leaves. I don't want her to be sad and to cry. I want her to be happy to be going with her daddy. I know there are worse things in this world. I know I should be thankful to have her here and to be able to hug her and kiss her, but what good is having her here if she isn't happy? Why can't he see that she cries because she doesn't want to go? Why can't he just let her stay home?

I'm so confused...I wish...well I just wish I guess.

Things aren't all bad. When it's just me and Buggy times are wonderful. We go places and do things. I teach her what I can. She is learning more words and doing new things each day. Soon she will be walking. I cannot wait for the months ahead. She is my everything and I would do anything in this world for her.

I'm trying to stay positive. I know she is in good hands when I am not around. Until next time...